I’ve come to believe that healing takes a spiral shape – circular, as there are lessons we must learn again and again, while ascending, as we return to these lessons having learned more.
There are leaps and stalls and detours too, and one step back for every two steps forward, it sometimes seems – but if we’re seeking and integrating, then we’re evolving. And if we happen to be returning to a lesson, it simply means we haven’t yet gleaned everything there was to glean.
The other night as I walked home wearing the same old thing feeling the same old way, I thought: I’m still here.
But I wasn’t. Well, in that moment I was: I felt the way I remember feeling a decade ago, and I looked the same way too.
But I had to remind myself: this moment wasn’t the same as that one, or as all the moments preceding it. All future moments won’t be like this one, either. So much growth has happened in the interim. So much growth will continue to happen.
“Yes, I feel this way now,” I said to myself. “Yes, I’ve felt this way before, and I’ll feel this way again. The feeling is terrible, and it’s familiar, and it’s terrible that it’s familiar.”
But I’ve felt so much more than this. I’ve evolved.
I honor that I’m here, and I remember that I’m not still here. I’m still experiencing this from time to time, but I’m experiencing it less frequently.
That’s because I’ve learned so many lessons, integrating insights along the way.
Now I can see where I am from a new vantage point – just as I will next time.
So, a spiral.
Circling, ascending, circling, ascending, evolving.
❤️