Re-emergence

The time to join the world is now.

I spent much of last year in private—with my thoughts, feelings, and sensations; with my dreams, memories, and imaginings. (I was on medical leave.) Starting this year, I’m re-emerging—spending more time in public, interacting. I’m bringing my evolved self to this changing world, finding new footing.

This time of exploration—of seeking ways to apply my skills, talents, and values to something tangible—is what Martha Beck calls Square 3 of the four-square Change Cycle. It comes after a catalytic event shoots us into a period of grieving (Square 1), through Square 2 (dreaming and scheming), and into Square 3 (making big moves). (Square 4 is all about fine-tuning.)

So here I am, reacquainting myself with the world, and still figuring out where I fit in—a new job I want at a company that wants me too (often amongst 1,000+ other applicants); a freelance practice with new projects and clients; eventually, a partner that fits, and a home I can call my own.

In the meantime, I occupy liminal space. With a clearer sense of what I’d like to do but no defined outlets quite yet, my mantra has been to take a step, and have patience; take a step, and have patience.

In the past, it’s been easy for me to stay in the imagining phase of Square 2. I love to sit back and dream about what could be, staying in the world of possibilities. But I acknowledge that I can only invent so much in my mind; reality is where things become tangible, with its possibilities and constraints. Making things happen in the world takes a lot more grit, and many more mistakes.

Most days, I feel like I’m flinging a fishing line out to sea, reeling it in, and seeing if it brings anything back to me. An application that yields a request for an interview? Great! No bites? We’ll try again! I do this continuously—pulling on a thousand lines to see what will stick.

My coach has encouraged me to get very clear about what I want to call in next—and I believe I’ve gotten as clear as I can. What happens as a result of my newfound clarity and first steps is at least a little bit up to chance.

Photo by mymind on Unsplash

When I’m finally lucky to be presented with an opportunity, I believe discernment will be key: I won’t take any old job coming at me. (I’ve already declined some babysitting, as well as full-time in-office work in the architecture industry.)

So what exactly am I looking for next? Some combination of writing, editing, and content strategy, in health/wellness or art/design/creativity. Have any leads? Please send them to me! (Here’s my website!)

As I keep progressing along my journey, I think of Oprah’s sage advice that goes something like: “Get very clear about what you want, do everything you can to call it in, and then release expectations.”

So I trust. And I believe that perhaps this’ll all work out even better than I can imagine, and that I’ll find outlets I didn’t previously know existed. I know I can’t control the outcome of all this effort—I can only set an intention, take action, have patience, and stay open to what comes next.

In the meantime, I encourage myself to keep emerging, staying present and visible—networking, reconnecting with old colleagues and classmates, declaring what I’m seeking, and remaining eager to learn what’s out there, as the world and the challenges we all face keep changing.

So, I take another step, cast my line into the sea, and trust that the right opportunities are coming to me.